Recluse

I think that I am secretly a really private person. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love to socialize just as much as the next girl, but more and more frequently I find myself indulging in a weekend spent with a book rather than friends. During these nights, I usually turn my phone on silent and feel horribly guilty every time the screen lights up. Not guilty enough, however, to check and see who is calling or texting. Usually when this happens, I pause briefly as the moral dilemma unfolds in my mind. Do I answer and try to come up with a socially acceptable reason for not wanting to hang out or do I just ignore it and pretend like I never saw anyone calling? This conflict usually lasts as long as it takes for my phone to direct the caller to voicemail, at which point my mental argument resolves itself. Sighing with relief at not having to have made the decision, I dive back into the pages, my feelings of guilt dissipating as quickly as the plot of my book thickens.

I think I'm reverting back to the time period immediately following my family's move to Oregon (read: I had no friends. It was pretty cool.) or something. I remember staying in during recesses so that I could read rather than try to make new friends. Life for 10-year-old Dani Richards was not easy, take my word for it. My anti-social behavior got so bad that my teachers organized a parent-teacher conference for the sole purpose of limiting the amount of time I could spend avoiding my peers. Ironically, the next (and last) emergency parent-teacher conference held during my educational career took place during middle school when both Mrs. Raley (my evil English teacher) and Mr. Blankenship (my evil Science teacher) became annoyed at the amount of socializing I tried to get away with in the middle of their classes...

Looking back, I can't decide which part of me is more 'me'. Is it possible to be equal amounts of both? And we're talking about being antisocial and supersocial btw. I guess it ultimately doesn't matter as long as you are doing what makes you happy, right?

On a completely different note, is this post a little emo? I have a sneaking suspicion and horror that I'm slowly becoming one of THEM. But on the other hand, I have recently decided to do whatever I want and say what I am thinking about saying regardless of the social ramifications. So you know what? Judge me however you want. I do not care.

Okay those last few sentences were definitely emo. Maybe I should just embrace it...